(unfortunately it's all true)
Knock on my apartment door. I open it.
Student - "Cha. Bai. Eat ri."
Me - "Ok, thank you."
I ignore the invitation,sit back down at my computer, and contemplate eating stale bread and jam.
There's a knock on my window.
Cynthia - "Hey, come to lunch, and bring my spoon."
Me - "Is there anything not disgusting?"
Cynthia - "I don't know, but everyone's there."
(Context: Cynthia has one spoon which she brought over to my apartment last night. Also, she's been crying today because it's the end of the year, and she's sad about leaving. My 2nd graders were concerned and brought this to my attention by saying, "Cynthia," and pantomiming crying motions with their hands.)
I figure the lunch will contain some sort of inedible boiled fish soup, so I grab 4 mangosteens and a can of juice, and trot off to the lunch room.
Kim begins wildly tugging on my arm, but I'm ignoring her because Cynthia is talking to me.
Cynthia - Thanks for the spoon. Do you have an extra straw?
I get up to retrieve a straw and notice Kim taking one of my mangosteens.
Me- "Oh, did you want a mangosteen? I wasn't sure why you were grabbing my arm. Here, have one."
I leave for 1 minute, get a straw, bowl and spoon for myself because I saw some sort of onion concoction mixed with oily water that was likely prepared for me. I return to the table and notice that there is only 1 mangosteen left. Kim informs me that she gave 2 of them to other teachers.
Me - "Oh...well, thanks for leaving me one. How kind."
Cynthia has tears in her eyes.
Kim - "Cynthia, don't cry! Don't let your tears drop. Be strong like Kerri. She not cry."
Me - "That's because I'm a bitch."
Cynthia - sniffling "It's ok to cry because it shows I have a tender heart."
Me - "Yeah, and I'm just pretending this is not happening. I will cry like a baby on the last day."
Kim starts rubbing her nose along my arm and sniffing it repeatedly.
Me - "Why are you sniffing my arm?"
Kim - "Because you smell so sweet!"
I smell my arm.
Me - "I do smell great!"
I make a dramatic display of smelling my arm and then lick it sensually.
Kim - "Kerri, do you want me to shay your eyebrows?"
Me - "What? You want to shave my eyebrows?"
Kim - "Yes."
All the Cambodian teachers at the table start nodding in agreement at this idea. I am totally confused because the last time Kim did my make-up, she painted gigantic dark brown eyebrows on me. Plus, I'm the last person at this table who needs to attend to some personal grooming. I will not mention name, but there are some scary armpits, mustaches, and hairy legs going on here.
Me - "Well, I didn't realize my eyebrows were so hideous. Thank you for pointing that out. I will use my tweezers and pluck them."
Kim translates this, so everyone will understand and there is a show of relief that this horrible situation will be rectified.
Thida - "Kerri, I like the color of your hair."
Me - "Thank you."
I compliment everyone on their hair.
Cynthia - "I always dreamt of having dark hair like yours, but every time I dye it, the sun bleaches it out."
Thida - "Oh, natural."
Cynthia - "Well, natural for you. Mine is grey now."
Sophert - "I have grey too, but my students pull them out." She giggles.
Cynthia - "I'd be bald if I did that."
Meanwhile, Gogo had stood up on his hind legs and is eating the food out of a bowl on a nearby table.
Kim - "Gogo. Gogo!"
Cynthia rushes over to grab the bowl.
Me - "Well, you might as well let him have the rest. Nobody can eat that now."
I laugh. No one else does.
A couple teachers and Pheak start singing a Goodbye song.
Kim - "Kerri, do you sing karaoke?"
Me - "Yes. Cynthia and I sang karaoke with Laum."
Kim - "Really?? When?"
Me - "At the beginning of the year, during the flood."
Cynthia - "Yeah, we went to a club in Sisophon with Laum, Roam, Saroeun, and a prostitute."
Mealea giggles because she's the only one who knows what prostitute means.
Kim - pouting "I wish I go too."
Cynthia - to me "Laum is supposed to come to school soon, and he wants me to help him with the student letters. I just want to take a nap."
Me - snort "He'll probably show up at 4:00."
Cynthia - "Yeah, I'm gonna take a nap."
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